Be a Doctor of Teeth.

“What were you thinking about?” Jesus asked him a moment later.

“Well, if you really must know. I was thinking… A biologist with a history of tooth decay invents a symbiotic microbe which lives in the human mouth and feeds by cleaning our teeth. It secreted calcium, which is poisonous to it, controlling its growth and preventing it from eating the teeth themselves.

"So this guy, he wants to spread the thing to the world, but it’d never fly, FDA and human squeamishness and all, so he becomes a party animal. He throws wild parties at the lab, kisses female grad students, whores, babies. He backwashes in sodas left on tables. He bums drags off cigarettes. He grants humanity eternally clean and healthy teeth but dies of a terrible cocktail of STDs.”Another beat.

“Wait isn’t that kind of what Mother Hive Brain is? I mean… memetically… An evolutionary virus…” Agent 139 asked.

“Damnit man, can’t just one thing… just one thing… be taken purely literally? Just for what it is?” Agent 506 threw his cigarette out the window with a sharp flick of his wrist and then looked dead ahead. Jesus guffawed so hard he almost drove into a blue civic in the other lane.“This conversation is over,” Agent 506 said, icily.